Well… It’s entitled that for a reason. I’d appreciate if you’d give me some privacy. Thank you!
I published this only because the Lord wants me to.
But this is “For my eyes only”.
Please exit now.
I forgive you if you close this now.
✋ Stop right now. Thank you very much!
An Offering to You, My Father . . .
Now again, with this persistent and irresistible desire to share this? Olive, what has gotten into you? Why are you sharing this in public?! Maybe I should’ve called this blog “Intimate Thoughts”. Nah! Some people might get the wrong idea.
Father, I know You have anointed me for this task. This is the purpose of my existence. Though it’s still a mystery to me how You had thought of me before the world began and at the same time didn’t want/planned sin yet I was conceived out of it. How can that be? But whatever it is, I am immensely grateful for having You and knowing You (grateful is even inadequate; I don’t know how to thank You.) And it is for this reason I was born and is alive now: to proclaim Your Name to all the Nations in whatever way You show me.
I want to do whatever You want me to do, Lord; I want to please You and find favor in your eyes. Now I know how it feels like to seek approval and favor from a father. Just like a child who would say to her dad, “Daddy look what I did!” “Wow! That’s awesome! Great work, anak.” I bet she’s beaming with happiness because her dad’s approval is her greatest reward. And that is exactly how I feel. Your approval is my greatest reward. I want to please You and constantly feel your presence, to constantly hear Your voice.
I had tried pursuing achievements, knowledge, position, power, money, relevance. But I found everything is only as good as my last performance. So I had to keep on, and on, and on. Until these pursuits had become tiring, repetitive and boring. None is completely satisfying and enjoyable. So I always find myself back to You because You are the only one who fills my heart and completely satisfies me.
At first, I left everything because You said so. But now, I continue to ‘leave everything’ because I want to, by Your grace. I left everything yet I gained more than what I came for. Your ways are so exciting, Lord, You never fail to exceed my expectations. You have given me the opportunity to experience giving myself fully to You: my whole life, my whole being, my whole time, all of my resources (well, technically they’re no longer my resources xD). Everything I know, all of my skills, knowledge, gifts – everything I have or the lack of it I give to You. And I will do it over and over again because I want Your approval and Your favor. And I want to serve the purpose of my existence: to be how You intended me to be and do exactly what You purposed me to do.
I’m in a season of the most enjoyable, fulfilling, satisfying moments in my life because of Your presence. Since the time You told me to write in 2016, I have felt Your constant presence and leading I have never experienced before. Maybe because of the freedom to spend time with You for as long as I want; I don’t know. And even during my lowest moments, while it was painful, it was one of the most fulfilling because of our unceasing communication and Your comforting voice sustaining me. I remember when I was a new believer, I kept on asking You what it’s like to pray unceasingly. That’s Your command but I didn’t know how anyone can do that. More than a decade after, You taught me during the most painful moments of my life. Because of these experiences, my heart is slowly embracing the fact that suffering will always be a part of my life here (will always be talaga?! unending? xD). But I have something to look forward to — an opportunity to be more intimate with You and learn from You from a standpoint of suffering.
At the same time, I know greater things are yet to come! I’m excited about what You’re doing but at the same time getting impatient and tired of waiting because of the hindrance to this! But remember Your promise, Lord. You promised an abundant harvest and I expect it will be infinitely more than anyone can ask or imagine. Nothing is too difficult for You.
As I do this ministry, help me not to be task/goal-oriented but people-oriented. I don’t want this ministry to be brought down to a mere to-do list. People are more important than tasks. And ministry is for people. My work is not about doing but being — being like You in character as I relate with other people
And in all these, Lord, there is only one thing I ask of You: Your presence. I want to always feel Your presence, hear Your voice, know Your instruction, and be certain of Your leading. What would I do without it? What would I do without You? This is Your mission. This is Your work. You are the authority. And You promised You will ALWAYS be with Your people to the end of the age.
So I offer this to You. This blogsite is Yours, and all the media attached to it. The story of Your people. The testimony of Your character. Your story. We offer this to You.
. . . I hope You are pleased with it. ❤️